Monday, March 14, 2011

There Is Nothing Wrong With Your Television Set

Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. Who are we? Why, we're the Nielsen Ratings of course! Let the news be heralded on every corner. Shout it from every mountaintop. It is I, the pure one, whom the Nielsen Ratings people in their great wisdom have chosen to be representative for television viewing in my neighborhood. You heareth correctly knaves. I will decide what's fit to watch and what isn't. I will control the viewing destiny of man. You will hide in caves and holes in the Earth. You will pray for death, but no reprieve for your sentence shall be granted. I will smite thee with my mighty remote control. Be afraid, ye of mortal birth, for he who hath tasted the honey dew of the electron gods sitteth among you, and yea, his arm is not weak. The flipper doth tremble at his touch.

Just saying....